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His needs and her needs: Life lessons for a happy marriage

© Adam Borkowski (Fotolia) happy couple
© Adam Borkowski (Fotolia)
His needs
It is important that his needs and her needs have an equal amount of focus placed on them within the marriage. According to noted marriage councillor and psychologist Willard F.

Harley there are five main needs for each gender. These are:
Sexual fulfilment
Domestic support
Attractive spouse
Men as the provider

Basically, many men still see themselves in the provider role, and many of the needs are tied into this. Most obviously, domestic support is a need based on the man going out to work while the woman keeps house.

Male ego & the spark

The male ego is another important consideration with these needs. The need for an attractive spouse and admiration has a lot to do with massaging the ego, although attraction to your partner is a basic need for everyone. No matter how well you get along, it would be impossible to be more than friends, without that spark.

Finally, sex is an undeniably important part of a relationship for most people.
Her needs
Women’s needs when entering a relationship are generally different from men’s, although they will vary according to each individual. The most basic female needs in a marriage are:
Financial support
Family commitment
Quality time & male needs

Some of these do tie in very closely with what are considered to be male needs. For example, conversation and companionship are very closely related and are all based around spending quality time with your partner.

Affection & sexual fulfilment

The female need for affection can be related to the male need for sexual fulfilment. It simply means that women require a higher level of romance than men do.

Financial support & domestic support

In addition, financial support and domestic support are related to each other. These are tied to the somewhat stereotypical roles of men as providers and and women as housewives.


Honesty is perhaps the most obvious need. If you cannot trust your partner, you have really no hope of building a successful marriage.

Family commitment

Finally, as most people enter marriage as a step towards having children, family commitment is evident as a need. Both the male and female partner need to be able to commit time and energy to their family.

Final word

By looking at both his needs and her needs, you can begin to improve your relationship.

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